remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
