problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
