My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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