just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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