I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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