I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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