I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
