I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
