great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
