dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
