Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
