That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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