we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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