genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
