two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
