I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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