There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
