My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
