can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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