Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
