I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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