Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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