i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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