im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
