Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
