I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
