The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
