Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
