YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
