I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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