OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
