my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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