Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
