hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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