I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
