No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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