I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
