I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
