NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
