i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
