I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
