Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The best revenge is premature balding
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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