So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
