I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
