I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
