Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
