She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
