Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
