Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize