Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
