I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
