Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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