obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
