THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
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