Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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