true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
