And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
