"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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