I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
