fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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