i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
