Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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