benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
