ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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