you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
