belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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