she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Farmville is her only friend.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
