she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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