I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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