I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
