Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
