Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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