All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
