At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My ATM looks so different sober.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
