so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
