We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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