Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
