I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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