I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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