I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
